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Two Bumblies Dog the Rocks

ambyeok

10-Nov-2009
6:04:11 PM

Presented in six parts for your reading pleasure, this simple account of my Sunday past is offered as spare time fodder for my fellow bumblies who, like me, reside at the lower end of the grade scale. Enjoy.

ambyeok

10-Nov-2009
6:04:27 PM

Part 1. The Preparation

It’s a fine and sunny Sunday morning as I am gently lifted from my slumber by the familiar sounds of Smith St, a lingering lullaby of aggression and swearing accentuated with impatience by the occasional bark of a car horn. Ahh, what a fine day it is to leave the city behind.

Filled with promise my shiny new VCC guide sits proudly amongst a tangle of notes and web page print outs. Within this guide a single section burns with self importance: Mt Alexander! Dog Rocks! Granite!

I scan the assortment of gear scattered on my bedroom floor. Resisting the temptation to recall to mind any past experience I boldly declare that hexes are worthless on granite slabs and discard them to a forgotten corner of my room. Likewise, flung with reckless abandon, numerous draws, slings, krabs and assorted kit fly off towards some other dark recess. Finally, the fruits of my ruthless culling labor lies in a heaped pile at my feet- a minimal granite slabbing rack… cracks? hell, you can stick cams in cracks… right?

I wouldn’t trust any of that old stuff

ambyeok

10-Nov-2009
6:04:49 PM

Part 2. The Journey

We have left the city and are sitting in comfort in my friends Commodore blasting along the Calder Freeway; a dubious quality of rhythm and blues wafts lazily from the stereo and hangs in the air but a moment before I shatter its serenity with my own piss-take impressions of the lyrics. Behind the polite laughs I insightfully suspect that my driver may wish he was elsewhere.

Heeding the words of that wise and venerable sage AJFClark we break left at Elphinstone and then screech down the very next suspicious, brooding and un-signposted road on the right. After some nervous moments of awkward worry an overtaking lane finally appears and we joyfully conclude that this road we are on could be none other than the old Calder Freeway, a conclusion quickly justified by the appearance of a sign boasting “Calder Freeway. Faraday to Ravenswood Section”. Relieved and buoyed with enthusiasm we strive merrily onwards to pass under the bridge, taking the immediate next right onto “Faraday Sutton Grange” road. The VCC guide gets us the rest of the way with ease.

The Dogs Rocks car park

The start of the track (head left)

We start the walk and my pack is light, very light, lightened by the omission of those pesky hexes (why do I keep mentioning those?). The guide book promises a one minute walk-in and we are not left disappointed; within no time at all a small collection of grainy lumps appears before us- little droplets of glorious granite no doubt dribbled by incontinent rock gods as they laboured their way up to Buffalo.

ambyeok

10-Nov-2009
6:05:02 PM

Part 3. The Warm-up

Keen to test our mettle we quickly decide to warmup on the gentle slab down the bottom where you will find both Rover* (10m 12) and Fido* (10m 14).

Rover (12, right crack) and Fido (14, left crack)

Please bear in mind, my critical reader, that my worthy second is fresh from his gym apprenticeship and this is only his second ever day on real rock. His delicate office worker hands have never felt the at once both vicious and loving bite of a granite hand jamb. And my girlfriend is a whole lot happier if my hands come back with at least some of the skin with which they left... So its on with the tape, on with some more tape, and soon enough, looking like kick boxers, were ready for battle. I mean, sure, you can climb cracks without tape, granted, but with tape on you feel like you can onsight them up to 28.

Rover and Fido are a great couple of climbs, the jambs are good and the feet are thin, its a wonderful introduction to these lesser practiced climbing art forms. My mystery second shows an impressive knack for this particular style of grovelling and while he doesn’t quite match my talent for huffing, puffing and verbal emissions he does ascend the rock with masterful form and quietly impresses all present.

Mystery second displays fine jamming form on Rover (12)

ambyeok

10-Nov-2009
6:05:18 PM

Part 4. The Slab

Encouraged by our smearing success and rejuvenated by a banana or two we set off towards My Black Sheep (8m 15). I don’t consider myself a master of stone by any stretch but I’m pretty confident about my chances on this pithily sport 15. “Where shall I stand? Will I get pulled into the rock?” my mystery second enquires; “Oh, stand anywhere, it’s not that hard, I’m not gonna fall” I reply, with firm and foolish self assurance. Several amusing facial expressions and numerous false starts later I have backed off and am sitting confused and befuddled as I swap my shoes for the better pair… “isn’t granite supposed to be really grippy?” I think to myself as I desperately try to force across my face the assured countenance of a confident leader. Renewed by the change of shoes I locate the obvious foot hold and monkey up the route, clipping as I go what appears to be the rings from a three-hole binder thrust into the rock and painted the exact colour of rust. Up top I find the remnants of a two-hole ring binder and set up a top rope.

Me at the ‘rings’ on My Black Sheep (15)

It is now the turn of my mystery second. Now what followed can hardly be described as a clean top rope ascent, but ponder for a moment my dear and concerning reader, what does a clean ascent gain you anyway? No, it was no such transient thing; instead a far more valuable lesson was learned that day, a lesson etched into his memory that will serve him well for the remainder of his climbing career- pulling on the draws will get you up stuff where you might otherwise fall off. Tears of pride filled my eyes and I cleaned the top rope with difficulty, possessed of only the slightest of workable vision.

ambyeok

10-Nov-2009
6:05:33 PM

Part 5. The Chimney

Dog Rocks had given us much but the best was yet to come. Not content with merely jamming and smearing in open sunlight we determined to attempt the same in the dark, so off we headed to Chimney Corner (10m 7) and The Kennel (15m 10). By the time mystery second arrived I had everything in place, so was able to take the time to extend to him a cheery and warm hearted greeting typical of my light and easy nature:

Welcome to the chimney of doom!

I cast my gaze around the wide crack protecting Chimney Corner above me, then down at my rack, then up again at the crack. I scratch my head as I ponder the relevant maths… 10 metres of climbing… 2 bits of gear that will fit the crack- a 3 and a 4 camalot. Oh god, if only I had a kingdom such that I could trade it for my hexes! Oh my hexes, my beautiful hexes, why have I forsaken thee so!! I will tell you in truth dear reader, if there is a hex god then it was he, scorned and twisted with retribution, who sent me into that chimney that day.

Some time, and two runners, later I reach the top of the chimney; I stick a worthless .5 camalot in a creaky slot above my head (dreams are free) and mantle my way into the sun. I set a belay off the chains above Painless, run the rope back above the route, and pop mystery second on belay.

Mystery second fights his way up Chimney Corner (7)

Call me old school, call me crazy, call me a sucker for punishment, but grovelling up that chimney was the most fun I’ve had since last attempting a slick bulging off-width; so to cap off our day of excitement we jump on The Kennel, a hilarious chimney-come-fist-jam-crack.

This turns out to be a lot more awkward than expected. If you are only just leading at the grade I would class this as pretty exciting; I certainly experienced many a thrilling moment as I removed my single 4 camalot and stuck it up somewhere higher above me! All in all a great climb and a laugh riot.

Mystery second emerges from the bowels of the The Kennel (10)

ambyeok

10-Nov-2009
6:05:47 PM

Part 6. The Aftermath

As much fun as we both have had thrashing around on this fine day it is drawing to a close; and we must sadly pack our gear and head for home. The only thing left to do is give mystery second a moment or two to spend in quiet contemplation of the appropriateness of those last few knee placements.

Mystery second makes one pathetic final attempt at eliciting our sympathy

So, my fellow bumblies, that draws our trip report to a close. Many thanks to my brave and fearless second, his fine form and knack for the granite should inspire us all. As always, climb safe and see you on the rock!

IdratherbeclimbingM9

10-Nov-2009
6:58:36 PM

Good stuff ambyeok and I like the style of your writing.
It comes across clearly that you had a fun day out, and that after all, is the essence of why we play this game.

For a change Chocky is doing rather well for TR's.
If I did not have to go past Buffalo to get there, your TR inspires me to go to Dog Rocks!

ambyeok

10-Nov-2009
7:18:04 PM

I should mention that the harder lines look fantastic. The searing 20m grade 22 off-widths look stunning. There are a couple of lines that really caught my eye in the 19 to 21 range too. IMHO well worth a day trip whatever your level. Beats the gym by x1000

miguel75

10-Nov-2009
10:30:04 PM

A great TR, thanks ambyeok. I was keen as to get out to Mt Alexander and am even keener now after
reading this great report. Well done to you and the mystery second. Maybe the mystery second can
become Chockstones "Stig"; testing new routes and gear...

evanbb

11-Nov-2009
5:18:07 AM

Yeah, cheers, it does look good. What sort of rock is it? Some beaut lines, and the chimney is an obvious classic.

IdratherbeclimbingM9

11-Nov-2009
10:23:54 AM

On 11/11/2009 evanbb wrote:
>What sort of rock is it?

Sand~~bag~~stone evanbb.

... You missed what ambyeok wrote;
>within no time at all a small collection of grainy lumps appears before us- little droplets of glorious granite no doubt dribbled by incontinent rock gods as they laboured their way up to Buffalo.

~> just like Booroomba; ... eh?
;-)

ajfclark

11-Nov-2009
11:19:23 AM

Great TR dude. Glad the directions came in handy though it's a bit of a worry that that intersection is still isn't signposted.

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