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CHOCKTION - BD Sabretooth Crampons
12:58:05 PM
OK geezers, I tried selling these crampons a while ago for way too much and there were no takers. So now I'm trying a Chockstone Auction... a CHOCKTION.

Bidding starts at 0.99c. Free pick up in Geelong, or add $20 to the bid for postage costs. Post your bids here, and the highest standing bid at the stroke of 8:47pm next Sunday night (16/8) gets the goods.

Item description below, in case you don't know what a crampon is:

Have you been searching for a way to more efficiently crush the dreams of children at birthday parties and town fairs? Are you constantly frustrated by your shoes inability to grip on anything, and destroy everything? Then you need a pair... nay THIS pair, of Black Diamond Sabretooth Crampons. Stat.

Just think of all the wondrous activities you can ruin by wearing these stainless steel treads of destruction: jumping castles, kids balloon parties, hot-air ballooning, those inflatable pool bananas... in fact, pretty much anything that's inflatable should be on your hit list. Let's face it, air has no business hiding inside colourful vessels, and there's no better person to right that wrong than a grown man marauding around with inordinately large spikes on his feet.

Suppose you get invited to play golf with the boss for work. He wants you there to schmooze with the big wigs of another company - say... Google - and you've got to dress to impress. You, being you, don't having any golf shoes. But you also know that any golf player worth his salt is going to have spikes on his shoes. You really think Eric Schmidt is gonna close a multi-billion dollar deal with a guy that has spike-less shoes? He isn't.

But if you tee off wearing Sabretooth crampons, everyone will know there's only one alpha male in those negotiations... and it ain't the four-eyed techie with the CEO badge and joe-average spikes. Wear the Black Diamond Sabretooth's on the golf course, you'll be making a statement. Sure, you'll actually be saying 'suck it groundskeepers'. But why do you care? Who's going to cross a guy wearing crampons when he plays golf? Or anywhere for that matter?

While we're on the subject of grass, the BD Sabretooth crampon is an ideal tool for air-rating your lawn. Just strap on these bad boys, wander around your back yard, and the grass will soak up the next downpour like a sponge. If there happen to be any stray balloons floating around your garden, you can take care of business while you're at it.

Not much of a gardener? How about fishing? No lie, if you jumped feet first into a lake wearing these, you could technically catch 28 fish at once. Why take your chances with a rod and line like a chump?

As an aside, these can also be used for ice-climbing and mountaineering. Beware though - they slice through ice like... like a crampon through a party balloon. Which is to say, very very well.
A few years ago I was walking across a glacier in Iceland, kicked my foot in too hard, and this happened:
True story.

So if you're looking for one crampon to do it all - vertical ice climbing, glacier travel, inflatable toy demolition, business golfing - this will have you covered.

Size is Medium / Large. Used only a few times, straps have hardly any wear.

1:32:56 PM
yeah, ok, $0.99 ....
3:47:27 PM
Made me chuckle. Thanks!

5:45:40 PM

I'm living in Canberra again - you need them to walk to work at the moment!
6:56:06 PM
I'll pay $60?
9:38:02 PM
9:39:39 PM
7:17:16 AM

11:34:27 AM
If they will fit clod hopping size 47 boots: $105

Macca has got me itchy for the mountains!
3:57:13 PM
8:10:28 AM
On 15/08/2015 Capt_mulch wrote:
>If they will fit clod hopping size 47 boots: $105
>Macca has got me itchy for the mountains!

I'm sure it's just a food allergy

2:03:33 PM

>I'm sure it's just a food allergy

More likely crotch rot from not freeballing enough in the tropics...

There are 12 messages in this topic.


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