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Burnley - In need of some work 5-Mar-2008 At 7:30:17 PM kp

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I must say that i am mightly concerned about these developments.

As a regular user of this facility, i was unaware of the disruption this "unscheduled route setting" would cause. My good friends Yuji and Francois travelled all the way from southern France to sample this great wall. It has quite a reputation on the international circuit.

Anyhow, we had just started to commence our 36 move warm up circuit on Saturday morning, when we were confrounted by 5 hooded individuals at approximately 5:30am. I introduced myself, to try and ease the tension. One balaclava adorned individual parted ways from the pack to greet me. His steely glare hidden by a rather femanine set of spectacles.

I greeted him in a most friendly manner.

"Bonjour gentlemen"

He sneered back at me.

"What are you looking at mate ?!"

Ï responded,

"We are trying to train for Beijing 2012, but your problems... they are very... shall i say, easy"

Grinding his teeth and raising his voice.

"Well, this ain't Paris mate and I sure ain't going to take cheek from a mofo such as yourself. It's time to rack off frogies, we are going to mess some s#it up".

Francois and i were in shock. We had never experienced this type of behaviour on the streets of Paris before, nor heard such crude language in a public arena. Francois was so upset at this point that he decided to cancel the circuit and leave immediately.

"Í will not put up wit zis behaviour". He then proceeded to walk to Victoria street, to eat crossoints and escargots.

Yuji on the other hand grew up in downtown Tokyo, and he made it clear that he wasn't going to have a bar of this heavy handed behaviour. He once told me that he worked in a gang as a youth. It's a legimate career for wayward youths in those parts. He's division was in the procurement and sale of driftcars to overseas clients. If there was one thing that Yuji learnt from this brief stint, was to never let your guard down. Ever.

My heart skipped a beat. Yuji had just fallen off the circuit. 33 moves out of 36. He knew that this spelled the end of the day, and possibly the impending European circuit in two weeks time. To say that he was unhappy was a massive understatement.

Yuji rose from the ground pointing at a yellow uncarved block hold.

"Yis hold, i am zure it moved".

He was right. It seemed that all the holds were now moving. The holds were being removed from inside the wall. Yugi was furious that his session had been rudely disrupted and he would no longer be in peak condition for future events. He bolted to the back of the wall. And removed his toothbrush. Or what seemed to be tootbrush, it actually doubled as a flick blade.

*Crash... bang*

He charged the offenders but was soon overpowered. His ninga like reflexes were no match for four trained thugs awaiting him, allen keys in hand. The flick knife dropped to the ground as Yuji began his retreat. Jumping into the Yarra, he began doggy paddling across the river leaving me alone at the scene.

I jumped to the flick knife, knowing that it was my only chance to get out of this hell hole alive. However, like a scene out of a lifesaver competion, i was beaten to the prize by a more athletic competitor. His decidingly small hands were quick. I knew that wrestling with him would prove fruitless, as allen key bandits were still on the loose. I quickly rolled onto my feet. Months of parkour training in London had made me as nimble as a quail and ready for such a situation.

I dashed from the scene. Before i could escape i felt a distinct tug on my jeans.

Close my friend but no cigar, i thought. As i heard him crash into the concrete path.

As i looked back on the scene i saw the common thug laughing in delight. He had captured our only guide to the area. Like confetti at a wedding, the PDF was ripped up and thown into the Yarra, as the thugs screamed in unison.

"Viva la revolution!!"