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Friday Funnies 26-Feb-2008 At 10:57:32 AM dreamingof8a

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Some more on Tourette's Syndrome:

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This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive
restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, mother f*cking manager, you c*ck sucking
arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.

The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could
you please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I
will get the manager as soon as I can'.

The manager comes over and the bloke asks, 'Are you the f*cking
manager of this b*stard place?'

'Yes sir, I am,' replies the manager, 'but I would prefer it if
you would refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a
private restaurant'.

'F*ck off' replies the bloke 'and where's the f*cking piano?'

'Pardon?' says the manager.

'F*cking deaf as well, are we? You sniveling little piece of
shit, show me your c*nting piano.'

'Ah,' replies the manager, 'you've come about the pianist job'
and he shows the bloke to the piano. 'Can you play any blues?'

'Of course I f*cking can,' and the bloke proceeds to play the
most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky-tonk blues that the
manager has ever heard.

'That's superb. What's it called?'

'I Tried To Shag Yer Missus On The Sofa But The Springs Kept
Hurting My Dick,' replies the bloke.

The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any
jazz. The bloke proceeds, playing the most melancholy jazz solo
the manager has ever heard.

'Magnificent,' cries the manager. 'What's it called?'

'I Wanted A Wank Over The Washing Machine But I Got My Balls
Caught In The Soap Drawer'.

The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any
romantic ballads. The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking
melody the manager has ever heard, 'And what's this called?' asks
the manager.

'As I F*ck You Under The Stars With The Moonlight Shining Off
Your Hairy Ring-Piece,' replies the bloke.

The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers
him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his
songs or talk to any of the customers.

This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one
night, sitting opposite him, is the most gorgeous blonde he has
ever laid his eyes on.

She's wearing an almost see through dress, her breasts are almost
falling out the top of her black lace bra, and the skimpy little
'G' string she's wearing is doing very little to conceal her
ample charms. She's sitting there with her legs slightly open,
sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots as the butter is
dripping down her chin.

The image is too much for the bloke and he scurries off to the
Gents to masturbate. He's tugging away furiously when he hears
the manager's voice.

'Where's that b*stard pianist?'

He just has time to relieve himself, and in a fluster he runs
back to the piano having not bothered to adjust himself properly,
sits down and starts playing some more tunes.

The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over and
whispers in his ear,

'Do you know your knob and bollocks are hanging out your trousers
and dripping spunk on your shoes?'

'Know it?' the bloke replies 'I f*cking wrote it.'