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Bourge's world 24-Sep-2005 At 3:16:48 PM Bourge

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Bourge’s world

I stepped out from the Maserati sports car like a modern day Michael Knight/David Hasselhoff - only without the black leather. I was greeted by admiring glances and envious looks from the throng of passer-bys and randoms gathered outside the Indoor Climbing Wall. Bourge time.

The music from the Alpine blasted out over the carpark

"I think I saw your body before I saw your face.....
Push up, your body, your body, next to mine..
Gotta make that sexy boody mine
And baby, baby shake that ass
I love it when you feel like getting nasty...."

This was my first appearance at a Bouldering Competition and I planned to make an impact. I was not well known in that particular climbing community at the time but I soon would be. I stopped to check my hair in the titanium tint rear windows - "looking good big boy" I told myself. Just one problem, the mullet needed a bit of teasing. It reminded me of a quote by Jason Gillespie, before he was dropped from the test squad: "The mullet is all business at the front, and party at the back". I gave it a bit of a ruffle up so that it stood up at the back, a look popularised by David Beckham in 2004 – a classic retro style with punk - I had read it described so in a men’s magazine.

In the reflection I could see the Cossey brothers arriving in their Bashed-up Kombi-van. I chuckled to myself and gave them a wave, they waved back but I could see their disappointment that I had turned up to this competition on their turf. I heard over the rumble of the engine of the old Volkswagen “Oh Sh## Bourge is here”.

Before I entered the climbing gym I grabbed a few phone numbers of some girls waiting outside. I might give them a call a bit later on if I was bored after the competition.

The trophies were lined up on a table in the foyer of the climbing gym. I picked up the largest trophy – open men’s. I was concerned that the trophy was not large enough to fit my preferred font. The winner’s name, my name, should always be in “Bookman Old Style” Font and should be printed in full. I made a note to remind the organisers before the trophies were engraved.

I kicked back with a mineral water while the rest of the competitors filed in. The Bouldering wall, compete with brand new acromats, awaited behind a cordon. That's where I would do my golden work.

I could see people admiring the mullety goodness that I was projecting, it made the $280 I had spent on the one-off styling product worthwhile............

TBC