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A short story 24-Jun-2005 At 9:21:57 PM Tav

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"Excuse me, but I think you're a bit too close to that edge." the intrusion of sound shatters the print of the past I was building before me and drags me back to the present. The world has changed whil I remembered, and I realise I'm standing on the crumbling adge. The wind blows towards me encouraging me to move away from away while the eagles fly in more chaotic flight patterns overhead. I turn my face the intruder.
"And who asked you anyway? It sure as hell wasn't me" I say, more embarrassed than angry.
"Well, it was actually the voices in my head. They ask some pretty good questions sometimes, and even give good answers evey so often too. And at the moment, they think there are safer ways to look down there."
"What makes you think I'd want to find a safer way?" I retort realising I'm actually considering taking that next step.
"Absolutely nothing actually, ok, since it seems you'd rather me be blunt, I will accomodate. I find it easier to expect people would chose a different option if they were offered it. If you want to go through with it, think about this first. You're going to land near one of the most walked paths around here so a couple of hundred hikers and climbers are going to see your body or the remains of it for the next couple of days. I haven't seen what that looks like, but I can imagine, and I can imagine the effect it would have on not only the children who walk by it, but the adults as well.
"I want to help you in any way I can, so I won't be leaving until you either jump or come back, so I'll see you go and I'd rather be saved seeing that if I can. You're young, and have enough life in you to fill at least five decades with things you haven't done yet. Your family and friends will need to identify your body and then deal with the knowledge that you jumped. Some may blame themselves for it for the rest of their life."
Thinking of my family and friends going through what I went through, and this man seeing what I saw, I realise I would never purposefully put anyonw through that pain. If I had though he chose to die ten years ago, I wouldn't have been alive to see this day. I turn to fully face the man and move away from the adge with a new flood of tears running down my face.
Later, we reach the bottom of the track to look up at where I had been standing.
"I'm glad you didn't do it Tavaré, Ryan loves you more than he loved the life he led." It sounds right hearing his name, so I try it in my head, "Ryan.
"But I don't know this man! Do I? How does he know not only Ryan's name, but mine? And that he was my fiance for that matter?"
"We've all missed seeing you around the traps and wish we could have been there to support you after Ryan died. I haven't seen you since the day after, and neither of us were ourselves that day." Beau. That is this man's name, and I remember him.
I reply, "climbing was as much a part of Ryan as his name was. I haven't said his name for ten years let alone climb. But it feels right hearing and saying his name, maybe it'll feel the same climbing."
"I reckon it will, as much as climbing's a huge part of Ryan, it's just as much a huge part of you Tav, and HE's a huge part of you too. You'd be surprised the amount of people who think of him among the things they associate with you."
"Ok, I'll start climbing again. I'll have to buy new shoes and stuff though, I threw my old ones out along with everything else."
"You threw them out, but I saw you do it and took them to look after for you. I bring them every time I come here in case you turn up or just to remember you both."
"Ok then, do you want to climb tomorrow?"
"I'd love to! But I don't like we'll be alone, I'm guessing there's going to be a fair group of people who want to spen as much time catching up with you as they possibly can. So expect to find your tyres let down if you try to leave before staying a minimum of a week."
I laugh. I partly expect it to feel 'right' as well, but it's still surprising when it does. "We'll see. I can ring work and try to coax a couple more weeks out of them."
"Awesome. Tav, I've really missed you. I've felt like I lost both of you that day." For the first time Beau looked haggar and all I could think about was making that look go and never come back again.
"You didn't lose Ryan, I can tell you know that. You lost me for a while, but you've found me now, and I'm never letting myself be lost again." I look back at the sky above the peak to see the eagles fly figher and onto new hunting fields. For the first time I realise why the land remembers me; home never forgets you.

In remembrance of Ryan Evans, and in celebration of the finding of Tavare Stevenson