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Friday Funnies 5-Jan-2018 At 12:35:23 PM MrsM10iswhereitsat.

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On 1-Sep-2017 widewetandslippery wrote:
>actually the brothers were very good, and that joke is great

An oxymoron? Are you sick?
If so then you might also appreciate this one as you start feeling better.

... Mr Wide recently gradually woke up stiff as a plank in hospital's ICU, tubes up his nose & down his throat, wires monitoring every function & all around his head, hell of a pain over his left ear, and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.

It was obvious he'd been in a serious bouldering or pack-rafting accident.

She looked deep & steady into is eyes and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

He managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"

My, my, it has been interesting on Chockstone lately...

Yoo hoo Mr gnaguts - Mr Stugang?, or perhaps as Derek my M10 love unkindly suggests Mr gerbil hunter??
What are you doing for upcoming Ozzy Day while over in Singapore? If you are losing touch with your home values then Derek also suggested the following public bar epistle he found for you as a refresher course.

We, the devotees of Chockstone are a people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.

We are just one internet site but we're divided into many States.

First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand-final day and big horse races.
Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners, off season carni-folk, and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively re use country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. Its main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.

The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, cattle stations the size of Europe, Kangaroos, Jackaroos, Emus, Uluru and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.

And there's Queensland. ... While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half-arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland as its beautiful one day and perfect the next?? Why he filled it with dickheads remains a complete mystery.

Oh yes and there's Canberra. The least said the better.

We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for international recognition.

Not that we're whinging, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants
We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem ... (So what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide).

We love sport so much our news readers can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning. And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby, AFL, roo-shooting, two-up, gerbil stomping, and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, the blackest aborigines and the worst-dressed Olympians in the known universe. And our national dress code is short shorts, thongs, and the good old t-shirt!

We shoot, we root, we joke, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed-minded, sports-obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.

I am, you are, we are Australian Chockstone users.

And one for Mr M9 - is Chocky going the way of Crag X?... Here is a bolting resurrection topic and includes numbers, since you seem fond of counting them; to keep things ticking over nicely for you.

How many Chockstone forum members does it take to place a bolt?

1 to place the bolt and to post that bolt has been placed.

14 to share similar experiences of placing bolts and how the bolt could have been placed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of placing bolts.

6 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about placing bolts.

15 know-it-all’s who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "bolt" is a threaded device and when placed into the natural environment rather than the man made one, has repercussions that many placers would not be aware of.

2 to post that this group is not about bolts and to please take this discussion to a bolt group.

27 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use bolts and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group.

16 to debate which method of placing bolts is superior, where to buy the best bolts, what brand of bolts work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

2 to post URL's where one can see examples of different bolts.

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the bolt controversy.

4 to suggest that posters request the bolts FAQ.

16 to post "F".

44 to ask what is an "F"?

4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

3 to say "Do a Google search on bolts before posting questions about bolts".

1 Lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

1 Troll to suggest it’s all a nazi plot anyway.