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Friday Funnies 21-Jul-2017 At 2:36:40 PM MrsM10iswhereitsat.

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Yoo hoo Mr AP online now and who is
>Never too old to fall for the delightfulness of a pretty lass.
>I complained and the bill's just been rescinded. The guy advised "the salesperson will be spoken to" and refused to pass on her mobile number, the miserable sod.

Derek my M10 love reckons there's no hope for you even if your electricity woes are sorted. He tells me that life is full of examples and gave me a couple to share with you that you might be able to relate to?

A once was great climber with dark long hair was walking down the main drag of ‘Sham the other day, past all the shops with the big glass windows.
It was then he spotted a dishevelled, aging, though still suntanned dirtbag, wearing worn out KT26’s, and was beside himself with admiration, ... that the fellow could still get along at all!

He later rushed into a supermarket to pick up a few things.
He headed for the express line where the checkout chick was talking on the phone with her back turned to him.
"Excuse me," he said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"
The checkout chick turned, stared at him for a second, looked him up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"
Little Johnny raised his hand and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."

A very old couple that have been married forever is sitting on their porch one night. Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband knocking him off the porch and into the bushes.
He crawls back up and asks, 'What was that for?' She says, 'For having a little p*cker.'
He sits there quietly a moment, then smacks her, sending her off the other side of the porch and into the bushes.
She crawls back and says, 'What was that for?' He says, 'For knowing there was more than one size.'

The other day a boulderer was having sex with a married woman when her husband came home early.
She told him he’d have to use the back door and said he’d have to be quick.
He later reflected he should have just left, but it’s not every day he got an offer like that.

An 85-year-old man had to do a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow.”

The next day, the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained …
“Well, doc, it’s like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.
“She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked. “You asked your neighbour? Good heavens!”
The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.”

A teacher at a Victorian University reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arse teenager who'd recently gotten into abseiling, at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."