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Friday Funnies 14-Jul-2017 At 6:26:18 PM MrsM10iswhereitsat.

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Hello Mr pmonks.
If we are going to do dad-jokes, here's one for you.
Q. What is slower hot or cold?
A. Cold, because anyone can catch one...

I have some better things to post but you will have to wait a sec for it till I find them again dearies, so check back in five.

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Okay, back again, after Derek my M10 love helped me out.

On the topic of grips, at Arapiles, Grampians, or where-ever ... Derek tells me to tell Mr Jackson that regardless of size, shape or spacing of them, it all depends on how hard you grab them, and gave the following examples to help.

A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs.
There is a sign in front of the box.
The sign says:

SEX FROGS
ONLY $20!
COME WITH COMPLETE INSTRUCTIONS!

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll take one!'
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!'
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:

1.Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise NOTHING happens!
The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.'
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.'

Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
The man . . . Looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says:

'LISTEN TO ME!!
I'm only going to show you how to do this ONE .. MORE ...TIME!!!'

A short rotund trad climber from Nati returned home early from work only to find his best mate in bed with his missus.
Overcome by anger, he grabbed a knife and stabbed him to death.
The missus, shook her head, looked at him and said, " Keep that up and, pretty soon, you'll have no mates left."

A blonde curly haired boulderer walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."

The boulderer certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the boulderer gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."

"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth, you have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.

"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex, you have to take care of that problem .

The boulderer is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 - but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, " but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the boulderer has a few more drinks and finally says, " Where's the damn tequila?!" He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.
Tears stream down both cheeks - but he doesn't make a face - and he drinks it in 58 seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight - then, nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the boulderer surely must have been killed by the dog, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.

He slowly says, " Now... , where's that old woman with the bad tooth?

Do you have the gist of the grips now dearies?