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Friday Funnies 16-Oct-2015 At 8:42:40 AM MrsM10iswhereitsat.

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Hello again chuckstones dearies, and a special yoo hoo to Mr Capt_mulch who seems to be having funny withdrawal symptoms lately.

Goodness me, reading recent posts on this site makes me realise again that things are not always what they seem to be. Take for examples the Falcons Lookout bolts, and Mr mikl's toprope special setup booty, why it's almost enough to get you thinking, or not, as the case may be, according to Derek my M10 love.

Enough of the chit chat and down to business of other examples of things not being what they seem after our returning from holidays (are you paying attention Mr gnaguts?), in time to join the upcoming silly season in Melbourniaville.

Music From the Grave

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. Could it be Andre Rieu, he thinks to himself? He looks around but no one can be seen, so he starts searching for the source.

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827."

Then he realizes that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward!

Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backwards.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backwards.

The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread, and a crowd has gathered around the grave.

They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.

Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

"I would have thought it was obvious," the caretaker says: "He's decomposing."

The written word.

A minister is in town for a convention, and after the first day session he goes back to his hotel room and peruses the Gideon's bible. He then sets it aside and goes down to the lounge, where he strikes up a conversation with the barmaid, and brings her back to his room after her shift.
As she's stripping down, she remarks "Should we be doing this? You being a minister and all."

He replies "It's in the bible my child."

So after he's done, and in the shower, she opens the bible and there on the flyleaf is penned the notation "The barmaid puts out!"

Here is one Derek found for the photographers out there after reading some of the controversy in picture of the week comments.

Surrogacy

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um......equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"

Are you ok again now Mr Capt_mulch?
If not, then here is another.

It was a small town in the Wimmera and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon an aging golden haired boulderer sitting in a used car!

He stopped and asked him, "Why are you sitting there in the car. Are you trying to steal it?"

"Heavens no, I bought it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"I can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"I was told that if I bought a Used car here I'd get screwed ….so I'm just waiting."