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Friday Funnies 12-Dec-2014 At 11:50:31 AM MrsM10iswhereitsat.

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Yes Mr gnaguts avoid Nowra if you can. Derek my M10 love tells me that he has heard interesting things about the place after being prompted by reading some of your posts. He asked me to share them with you sometime, so here they are;

You're A Nowraitian When:

1 You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2 The book value of your ute goes up and down depending on how much petrol is in it.

3 You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4 You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5 You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6 Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7 You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8 Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9 Your high school dance offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the National Anthem are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Two Nowra bogans in a caravan park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Holden plant.
After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your caravan Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off fishtin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!"

Bogan said “I hate all this terrorist crap. I miss the days when you could look at an unattended bag and think to yourself, 'I'm gonna take that''.

There's a new camera out with such a quick shutter speed that it's possible to take a pic of a Nowra girl with her mouth shut.

Bogan came outta the fish shop with a hamburger and chips. A poor, homeless bloke said ''I've not eaten in 3 days''. Bogan said ''I wish I had your willpower''.

After a fat girl served Bogan at Maccas she said ''Sorry about the wait''. Bogan just said ''Don't worry, you may find a way to lose it eventually''.

Underage chick looked at bogans beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Tooheys or VB?"
Bogan said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

Bogan was talking to a girl in the pub last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
Bogan said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Bogan was telling a girl in the pub about his ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
Bogan said, "Yesterday."

Bogan got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard yelled at him so loud, he nearly fell in.

Bogan went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. Bogan said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?"
Bogan said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Bogan was flicking through his local newspaper after unwrapping his chips and came across an advertisement saying "ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000" So bogan called them up and said "The answer is Minus $5,000."

Q. Why did the bogan cross the road?
A. His dick was stuck in the chicken.

DJ - "G'day mate, Aussie Helpline...What's the problem cobber?"
Bogan caller - "I'm in Nowra with my sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up."
DJ - "Bummer mate!"
Bogan caller - "Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that, Bye."

Sometimes Derek wearies me greatly with his crudeness but I accept that when it comes to him describing bogans, as there really is no other way to do it, is there dearies?

On a more interesting note in the would be Nowra sister township out in the Wimmera an interesting event happened at that towns western outpost as I overheard recently.

In the great days of the Arapiles Climbing Empire, a new climbing Demigod with pen in hand to write The Book, was sent to the Natimuk outpost to relieve the retiring Trad Master.

After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (latte at the cafe, lubing the slcd’s, etc) which protocol decrees, the retiring Trad Master said, "You must meet my disciple, Estuardo, He's my right-hand man and is really the strength of this outpost.
His talent is simply boundless."

Estuardo was summoned and introduced to the new Demigod, who was surprised to meet a rotund haggard hunchback, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall, and a truly worthy candidate for title of Boulderer.
"Estuardo, old man, tell your new Demigod about yourself."

''Well, sir, I graduated with honours from kindergarten, joined the Nati Rams and won the Averagest and Fairest award after three seasons battling the opposition goalposts.
I've represented Golden Goat in the greatest endurance event of all time, and won a Silver Spoon in the drought-weight division of the Nati Lake Dust Throwing Olympics. I have researched the history of....."

At that point, the Trad Master interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Estuardo, he can find all that in your file.
Tell him about the day you told the Horsham witch doctor to fluck off.”