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Friday Funnies 3-Nov-2014 At 2:39:06 PM MrsM10iswhereitsat.

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Moving right along again even though it is amazing how climbing trips away can deviate you from the normal humdrum of Chockerstone life, so hello again dear Chockerstone lovelies.

Spring is sprung, and despite the VCC being off playing at Araps on this horse race weekend, I hope you all have a lovely weekend climbing there, or wherever you are dearies.

Derek my M10 love wishes me to add the following alert to the next part of this post:
Warning feedback beta follows.
Yoo hoo Mr M9. You wrote on photo of the week a while back about "On The Prow" 27, at Hoppy's Cave, Bulahdelah, NSW, that it might go at
>“it does look to me like it could be aided at a medium level of grade difficulty, perhaps M4/M5 depending on rock quality. I only mention this (not to suggest aiding it), to support my belief that it would take enough gear into it to achieve doing it in clean-aid style. It would be an adventure done in that fashion due spaced and finangly bodyweight stuff likely involved in a couple of places...”

Well Mr M9, Derek my M10 love and I can now give you first hand feedback that we reckon it is only M3 clean-aid for grade. Any spiciness it might have once had is hugely devalued by the number of bolts in it.

OK dearies, back on topic again as this is supposed to be the funnies thread and I noticed in recent posts that Mr simey is still fascinated by The Hole, and that Mr Eduardo is too cobwebby to discount it as a spiders only route place.

Holes are fascinating aren’t they dearies? I think I can begin to understand Mr simeys obsession with them as they come in all forms.

For examples;

A pervert, with heavy breathing, says to her on the phone, "I bet you have a tight ass-hole with little hair."
Woman replies, "Yes, Edweirdo's reading the Mentz-Tempest Araps Climbing Guide, looking in vain for his routes, - who shall I say is calling?"

And recently a hole was found in the Horsham nudist-camp wall. I hear that the police are still looking into it.

Mr stugangs wife came out of the bathroom and said. "I have just shaved my pussy and you know what that means don't you"?
He said. "Yeah, the bloody plug hole is blocked again"!

Be that as it may dearies, Derek my M10 love tells me that sex is a necessary part of a healthy diet. I am also led to believe that Rye Bread can also be an essential ingredient to good health.

Two old guys (Mr M9 and Mr Kuu?), one 70 and one 76, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 76-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 70-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 76-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 70-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the sales lady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want five loaves."

She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."

Mildred came home early and found her partner (we shall call him simey), in their bedroom trying to make love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful boulderer pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful spotter and the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want to get out right away!"

And simey replied, "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead,' Mildred sobbed, but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And simey began -- "Well, I was getting into the car at sham k-mart to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car".

"I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the leftover Bean Chilli fajitas from the Nati Cafe made last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer Arcteryx jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the North Face underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy Petzl blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those kinky M75 style boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same."

simey took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said",
"Please ... Do you have anything else that Mildred doesn't use?"

Mildred didn’t buy it, so simey tried again.

simey said ok, I took the day off work and decided to go out golfing.
I am on the second hole when I notice a frog sitting next to the green.

I thinks nothing of it and am about to shoot when I hear,
‘Ribbit 9 Iron.'

simey looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, 'Ribbit 9 Iron.'
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom!
He hits it 10 inches (a significant length!), from the cup.
He is shocked.
He says to the frog,
'Wow that's amazing..
You must be a lucky frog he asks?

The frog replies,
'Ribbit Lucky frog.'
simey decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

'What do you think frog?'
simey asks.
'Ribbit 3 wood.'

simey takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one...
simey is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, simey golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,
'OK where to next?'
The frog replies,
'Ribbit Melbourne casino ..
' They go to Melbourne casino and simey says,

'OK frog, now What?'
The frog says, 'Ribbit Roulette.'
Upon approaching the roulette table, simey asks,
'What do you think I should bet?'
The frog replies
'Ribbit $3000, black 6.'

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game simey figures what the heck.

Boom!
Tons of chips come sliding back across the table.
simey takes his winnings and buys the best room in the Hotel.
He sits the frog down and says,
'Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.'

The frog replies,
'Ribbit Kiss Me.'

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for Him, he deserves it..
With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 25-year-old girl.

'And that, Mildred, is how the girl ended up in my room.
So help me God or my name is not simey'.

Derek tells me wtf? Mr simey doesn't need an excuse to be lame!
I am not so sure dearies, what do you think?