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Friday Funnies 7-Jun-2013 At 2:13:43 PM MrsM10iswhereitsat.

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Hello lovely Chockstoners, and special greetings to you Mr kieranl for thinking of me and my M10 love Derek. By the way, how did you know that I liked to climb trees in my youth, and used to go to Sunday School classes?

Nevermind, I saw your point about keeping quiet on some issues, which can be hard for those who are born again, all of which reminds me of the following;

A man goes to the doctor, worried about his wife's temper.

The doctor asks, "What's the problem?"

"Doc, I don't know what to do. Every day my wife loses her temper for no reason, and it scares me."

The doc says: "I have a cure. When your wife's getting angry, take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth.

Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until she either leaves the room or goes to bed and falls asleep."

Two weeks later the man is back, looking fresh and reborn.

"Doc, that was brilliant! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

Doc says, "The water does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."

Men can be like that you know dearie. Sometimes they don't even know they are offensive in their casual attitudes (includes racism), and replies. Take the wonderful example (and funny too!), by Mr Capt_mulch at top of page, or this example I came across the other day while I was out shopping.

The young woman asked the pharmacist, "Do you have Viagra?"
"Yes," he answered.
She asked, "Does it work?"
"Yes," he answered.
She said, "Can you get it over the counter?"
"I can, if I take two," he replied.

(If you did not get the gist from that then perhaps the following will be clearer?)

A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lighting. One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried. Then she yelled, 'if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?'

For a moment, there was silence, Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a man stood up in the rear of the plane. He was tall, handsome, well built, with curly blond hair and muscles honed from push bike riding, surfing and bouldering. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.

She gasped....

Then he spoke, "Iron this -- and get me a beer...."

(Most women on the other hand are much more subtle, but I am sure that an experienced man of your bearing would have noticed that by now, however if you want an example, Derek tells me that this is a good one, but I think he might have told us about it before.)

Woman: Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot if you want to see...

The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.

Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.

A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer2: Yes, could you please open the boot of your car, please.

The woman opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

Officer2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and retrieves it out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license.

He looks quite puzzled.

Officer2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car,

and that you murdered and hacked up the owner...

Woman: Bet you the lying son-of-a-bitch told you I was speeding, too.