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Friday Funnies 18-May-2012 At 4:04:10 PM MrsM10iswhereitsat.

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Yoo hoo Mr widewetandslippery, waving madly at you from over here.
Derek my M10 love says I am too soft with the funnies and I need to harden up like you dearie, so he has found me a few for this week that you might like, as they are not too politically correct, plus there is some canoeing in there somewhere that I read that you were interested in.

(The first one might have been done before on this raucous portion of a lovely site?)

Letter from Scout Camp.

Dear Mum,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood

on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping

bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all

up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write

because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps.

It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been

for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling

anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he

probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the

gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our

clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It

wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left.

Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect

something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's

hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45

people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer

until the policeman stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact,

he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there

aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to

the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam

was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we

didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great.

You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get

mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the

bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew

dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet

works.

Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food

poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with

food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our

scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better

while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some

more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight

it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.

Destiny.

Derek was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding his own business, waiting on it to turn green.
A carload of young, loud ethniks, shouting anti-Australian slogans, stopped next to him. The light changed, the ethniks shook their fists, hit the gas & darted off ahead of him.
Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding thru the intersection & ran directly over their car, crushing it completely. For several minutes he sat in his car thinking to himself, "Man, that could have been me!"
So, today, bright & early, he went out & got a job as a truck driver!

Beach experience.

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women; from England, Wales and Scotland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said, “Have you ever had a hug?” The man said, “No”, so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Welsh woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?” The man said, “No”, so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Scottish woman came to him and said, “ave ya ever been fooked, laddie?”

The man broke into a big smile and said, “No.”

She said, “Aye – ya will be when the tide comes in.”