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Friday Funnies 11-May-2012 At 3:34:51 PM MrsM10iswhereitsat.

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Yoo hoo, waving at you madly Mr IdratherbeclimbingM9. I have noticed that you post the occasional milestone posts on this lovely site and seem interested in statistics, motorbikes and that kind of stuff.
There are many kinds of things in that category, and it must be cold riding at this time of year?

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica –
Where do they go?

Wonder no more !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then they kick him in the ice hole.

Please, take care of yourself out on the roads.

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who drink bottled water, Diet Coke, soda, juice, energy drinks, and crap like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.

This message is sent to you by someone who worries about your safety.

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector', says the Coroner.

'Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.'

The Inspector asked, 'What about the third body?'
'Ah,' says the coroner, 'this is the most unusual one. Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning.'

'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector
'Thought he was having his picture taken.'