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General Climbing Discussion

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Whingeing Aussie. 15-Sep-2011 At 4:55:56 PM Tommo

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You'll know you're true-blue when:
· You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
· You think it's normal to have a leader called Julia.
· You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
· You're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something.
· You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
· You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin' (Mel-bn).
· You believe the 'l' in the word 'Australia' is optional.
· You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'
· You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
· You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.
· You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
· You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
· You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
· You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.
· You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread. You've also squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.
· You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
· Beetroot with your Hamburger... Of course.
· You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again' and "Living next door to Alice".
· You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
· You wear ugg boots outside the house.
· You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
· You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
· Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
· You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, While 'scuse me' is always polite.
· You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
· You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.
· Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
· You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.
· You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.
· When working in a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
· You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o:arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc.
· You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of nowhere...no matter where you actually are.
· You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like piss. We let the world think we do, because we can.
· You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer, maybe even as perfume.
· You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet- to mean good, and then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it.
· You know that the barbecue is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. The women make the salad.
· You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.
· You understand what no wucking furries means.
· You've drunk your tea/coffee/Milo through a Tim Tam.
· You own a Bond's chesty, in several different colours.
· You know that roo meat tastes pretty good, but not as good as barra, or a meat pie.
· You know that some people pronounce Australia like "Straya" and that's OK.

and I'll add a couple:

- you yell 'safe!' instead of 'off belay!'
- you get a warm and fuzzy patriotic pride when you see a carrot bolt.
- you like to remind foreign climbers that Punks in the Gym was once the hardest climb in the world.
- you don't loose your s**t when a magpie is swooping you while run out on lead.